Pass the Crickuits

It’s happening. We are going to have to eat bugs.

If you watched That’s Incredible with Fran Tarkenton, John Davidson and Cathy Lee Gifford in the 70’s like I did, you saw the charcoal results of spontaneous combustion and people in faraway lands eating beetle tacos. It wasn’t anything that happened here. It was on television, preceded by the Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. It. Wasn’t. Real.

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It is happening now though. Not the humans catching on fire for no reason while watching Jeopardy! bit, but the bug bit. I knew about bugs being suspended in lollipops and there has been many an occasion when I have had to convince my 7 year-old that they were in fact GROSS and not cool but now there is cricket flour. Yes, that is flour milled entirely from roasted crickets.

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via BittyFoods.com

“Ingredients: Cassava flour, cricket flour [Gryllus assimilis, Acheta domesticus], coconut flour, tapioca starch, xanthan gum.”

I would recommend they remove the brackets and “cricket flour” and just leave the latin bits.

I guess the beauty of cricket flour is the fact that there are no legs and bits to get stuck in your teeth. You could definitely sneak this lot under the wire at your next school bake sale…

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via Bitty Foods

Although you’d have to charge $10 a muffin as the flour costs a $1 per ounce.

Here’s what Bitty has to say, “Cricket flour is a tasty source of sustainable nutrition, packed with protein, healthy fats and micronutrients. We start with sustainably raised crickets, which are slow roasted to bring out their nutty, toasted flavor. Then we mill them into a fine flour that becomes the basis of our delicious, high-protein baked goods and baking mixes.”

It’s really a great idea. It’s protein. It’s environmental. It’s sustainable. But I am definitely going to have a hard time getting past the gross factor.

The idea of “sustainably raised crickets” also reminds me a bit of the naturally raised chicken sketch from Portlandia…

Maybe I’ll catch fire in my armchair before it comes to making my biscuits with crickets.

Run like Hell, People. Run like Hell.

So what is one to do when in the middle of taking your wedding photos, this pops up in the background?

Colleen Niska via The Globe and Mail

Colleen Niska via The Globe and Mail

If you are this young Saskachewan couple who may or as the case may be, may not have their whole lives in front of them, you stroll around calmly taking photos.

If however, you, like me, have an irrational and baseless fear of tornadoes, you do this…

twister-run

You run. Everyone knows that wedding photos take like, 4 hours. The bride said they weren’t worried because the tornado wasn’t heading towards them. I didn’t realize tornadoes followed maps. And where are all the guests while all this was going on? I’d be doing shots from the reception tent, then looking for one of these…

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Look at her – she’s happy, she’s taking cover. She’s not standing around waiting to have a lamb lollipop as her last meal. She’s seen Twister and the Wizard of Oz. This woman and I could be friends.

Meanwhile back on the road…

To your left! To your left! Your other left! Oh, nevermind.

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I’ll leave you with a quote from the bride.

“After we captured this amazing moment we were hit with some bad aftermath and our tent had completely collapsed despite much effort from family to keep it standing.”

“We feel for all the people that were hurt or had destroyed property from this storm as we were devastated in that moment. But in the end we had so many friends and family, and in a half hour of everyone helping we had an outdoor wedding dance under the stars. Somebody up above was looking out for us!”

World’s Highest Marathon

The Tenzing-Hillary Everest Marathon is on today and damn it if I didn’t miss registration again this year. Hopefully, the fact that I start wheezing after running a block at sea level won’t hold me back for the next one.

AFP/Getty Images via Haaretz.com

AFP/Getty Images via Haaretz.com

 

Just look at that view! I would be seriously distracted by that giant mountain in the background. Seriously, guys in photo! Look to your left! No, your OTHER left. Nevermind, I guess you should be looking for crevasses and avalanches instead.

via Adventure Sports Nepal

via Adventure Sports Nepal

 

Methinks this guy is about to regret not just doing that 5k run on the Utah Salt Flats.

Himex

Himex

 

From the official website, “The marathon starts from the Everest Base Camp (5364m/17,598ft) and finishes at Namche Bazaar (3446m/11306ft). The measured distance of the course is 42.195 km (26.2 miles) over rough mountain trails.”

It’s the bloody Himalayas. I am thinking “rough mountain trails” is a little bit of false advertising. I guess if you start tossing the words “treacherous” and “deadly” around in there, you don’t get as many folks to sign up.

via Summit Climb

via Summit Climb

And there above are the intelligent Nepalese folks taking pictures of all the moronic Westerners running like lemmings.

 

AFP Getty

AFP Getty

Mom called, she wants to make sure you don’t run on any icy rocks.

And at the end of it all, you win a big hat.

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Good times.